My journey as an artist has not always been the easiest. I have had many days, weeks and months where I felt lost and uninspired by any ideas I could think of. It was almost like I have lost my way and reason for creating. This feeling is not something of foreign nature but it is something that can be overcome and transformed into something greater when allowed time to think deeply and silently. Recently I have had to take on this deep and silent way of thinking to allow myself a new perspective of my artist interpretation and the type of work I want to produce. I went back to my foundation of creating portraits; myself. Relying only on my reflection to shed light on who I am now and who I have grown from. Taking on the rare task of creating a self-portrait when I am so used to painting others; can give off a lot of anxiety and evoke emotions during the process. The painting itself is not just a representation of me as an artist but an inner reflection of what truly sees myself. Allowing myself to fully exam without outside interjection or criticism. Seeing and marking my achievements and failures I’ve overcome thus far.
Reflecting on my past, present and where I’m destined to go I myself have become like a phoenix; arising from the ashes of my past failures to conquer my goals I’ve set. In Greek mythology, a phoenix is a long-lived bird that can regenerate itself after its death to be born again. The Phoenix is also associated with the sun, obtaining new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. From these stories lines, I drew my inspiration for making my self-portrait. As an ever-growing artist and person, I find that often times we need to shed out exterior ways of being and rebirth from those experience a new way of thinking, moving and creating. The story of this mystical creature has always interested me and challenged my mind's ability to look at things differently. The mere fact that the Phoenix itself is both present and past creations that only overlap in the time taken to the turn ashes into a new life. Like a spark to an old flame yet another cycle of life is born again. I am reminded that life’s cycle is like a recycling bin filled with past ashes. Without these ashes from the past, I would not be able to learn and grow from them into a better version.
In my journey, I will continue to be like the “Phoenix” spoke about and continue to be reborn from my past and grow from my reflection. I will remember that even in those times I feel lost it is actually the to think deeply and silently on self-reflection. I am truly never lost but only temporary creating a new path for myself.